You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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