we have pet lesbian snakes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
