My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize