they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
