Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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