I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
