they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize