dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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