All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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