if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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