True but thats because hes a fetus.
she woke up with a sticky ear
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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