please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
