he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
