We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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