Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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