i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
