So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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