I think i peed on brittanys purse
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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