im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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