ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
