Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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