hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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