I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
