just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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