If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
