I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
