Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
