it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
