If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
