I'm jealous of your bromance
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
