My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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