ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
