I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
