Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
