I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
