this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize