I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
