i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
