Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Still dying that you shit outside
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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