yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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