she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
