My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
where are my eyebrows?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
