It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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