dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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