i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
