Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
