God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
