can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
