Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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