would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize