Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
