I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
