Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
