I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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