i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
