Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
