my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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