im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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