I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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