Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
