I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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