I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
