STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
