She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You took a bar mat shot.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
