The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
