Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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