I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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