he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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