I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
