I'm so fucking centered right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
