It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
