If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
