she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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