I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
