The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The air taste purple.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize