Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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