Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
